I loved my husband.

I need to say that first, because for a long time I thought people would misunderstand me if I ever admitted what I was feeling.

We still laughed together. We still kissed goodnight. We still reached for each other’s hands without thinking.

From the outside, nothing looked broken.

But inside me, something had gone quiet.

At first I blamed being tired.

Then I blamed stress.

Then I told myself maybe this was simply what happened over time.

But deep down, I knew there was more to it.

I wasn’t trying to become someone else.

And I wasn’t trying to chase the woman I used to be.

I wanted to understand the woman I was now.

I wanted to understand why desire could become so quiet, even when love was still there.

So I started reading.

I started asking questions I had never dared to ask before.

And slowly, I realized something.

I wasn’t the only woman who had ever felt this way.

There were women who loved their partners deeply and still quietly wondered where their desire had gone.

Women who missed anticipation.

Women who missed feeling wanted — but also missed wanting.

Maybe that was the biggest thing I had been afraid of.

That this was permanent.

That the woman who could feel anticipation, desire and excitement had simply disappeared.

But standing there with him, I understood something.

I hadn’t disappeared.

I was still a woman who could feel.

Still a woman who could want.

Still a woman who could surprise herself.